Things I’m Tired of Telling Myself

 

I haven’t been motivated to do much lately and I’m pretty sure it’s due to the fact that I’ve been beating myself down. I thought I could jungle school, writing, working out, working at my job as a dish washer(sounds awesome right?) as well as volunteering at an animal shelter and getting chores done on top of all that. I’ve kind of beaten myself up about it and I’ve reached a low point where I’m not doing too great in all the things I’ve invested some time into. I think if I make a list of things I’m tired of telling myself then maybe I’ll be able to improve myself more -and more importantly try to help anyone who might be willing to take the time to read this.

1) You have to do everything at once!

Sometimes I worry about money or if I’ll be able to get into clinicals with the grades I have or if I’ll ever be able to be happy with my body image. Then I start to think about these things all at once and I have to remind myself that I won’t be able to fix these things if I don’t focus on one thing at a time. I’ve learned that if I don’t do this then everything falls apart and I’m left with no real achievements and I end up not caring about what I do with my life because all that of it becomes is just too much.

2) You need a 9 to 5 job to live comfortably

Although this might be true for some people, I sometimes find that long hours give me tension headaches and I come home feeling terrible. Although I do believe that most people think these jobs are comfortable is because jobs like that often spit out enough money to make sure your not living in a slum. However, I’m not one for having a big house, even when I was little I dreamed of what it would be like to live in a tiny house and I even tried to think of ways I could live in a play house my dad built for me when I was a kid. I’m beginning to think that if I was able to buy property and build my own tiny house. I might be able to get away with a part time job if I was able to minimize the resources I use and grow my own food.

3) All the things you love will just be hobbies

During winter break, it was hard for me to get back into reading. I had engrained into myself that fictional books were only for entertainment and I should probably do more productive things like work at my job to try and restore all the thousands of dollars I spent on one semester of college. I only managed to read through some of The Hate u Give and now I regret not allowing myself to relax and just enjoy myself. I was even going to read The Book Thief with one of my friends, but I got so caught up with work that it never happened.

4) If you don’t like something just put up with it

I can manage a rainy day every now and then, but I hate cold weather and I plan to move some place warmer when I get the money to. I had to put up with a lot last semester, I stayed up until midnight working on all my classes because I was so worried that I wouldn’t get accepted into clinicals and I thought for sure that being a vet tech was something I really wanted to do. After learning about the job I realized that in some states I don’t even have to go to college to be a vet tech. Although in Ohio I had to put up with weeks of anxiety, taking classes that weren’t relevant to what I’d be doing as a vet tech and blow potential college friends off because I was so worried that if I didn’t invest all my time and engery into my classes I wouldn’t do well in them.

5) You won’t be able to do it

If there’s anything I’m good at in life,

If there anything I’m really good at

If there’s anything I’ve been doing for so long that it happens subconsciously- it’s negative self talk. For so long I’ve wanted to be my own boss, lose ten pounds, become independent and so on. However, I keep dragging myself down and telling myself that I’m not capable of it. I’ve decided to write this to tell myself and you that we can do anything we set our minds to. If you want to write a book go ahead and write a book. If your going to complain to me and tell me all your writing is crap then I will try to show you some of my old writing and show you what really crappy writing looks like. If your going to tell me that your blog isn’t that great I’ll tell you about all the times I was a bitch and wrote a bunch of bullshit to get attention for my blog. I hope showing you this might show you how much potential you really have and encourage you to take more steps in the right direction. When you start comparing yourselves to others take advantage of it. When you see people that you think are a better writer than you or a better artist or whatever find the things that you think make them good and try to do that yourself. When your discouraged look at other people who have it worse than you to really see how far you’ve come -but don’t mock them because they’re own there own journey too.