I’ve been working on revising this blog on and off. It’s been hard since there’s so much I want to do -and so little time. Right now, anxiety keeps me awake. And social media has become something deadly. I’ve cut out a lot of people in my life for the sake of my sanity. And social media convinced me to go back and think about how things went wrong. It’s been hard to find new friends and get my life together, despite doing better then some of the people my age.
But in some ways it’s worth it. I look back and think I never want to be like the friends I used to have. Friends that couldn’t be open, friends that would go on to have there parents pay for everything while I worked full time, friends that I couldn’t trust cause I knew deep down most of them were just as judgmental as I was.
I wish so badly to go back and save myself from my family. To teach myself to go after my dreams instead of becoming a doormat and doing their chores. To encourage myself every time they discouraged me from pursuing something.
But anxiety was a bitch and still is and sometimes it controls me and I don’t know how to stop it.
So I write.
It’s helps me to calm down a little, but I feel that tense feeling still there. Reminding me this will only help until I start to have other thoughts.