April Reflection

I’m starting to learn that sometimes doing the hard things right now can make life easier later. I think a lot of just wish we were already there, sitting on our accomplishments. However, we still need to work hard to get there.

I’ve spent a lot of time working hard for the wrong things. Working hard for a job that won’t even get my rent paid. Jobs that would probably leave me struggling for the rest of my life. Not saying I won’t struggle with writing, but at least I’d struggle doing something I enjoy.

There’s a lot of stuff I’d probably enjoy doing. But for too long I’ve told myself that I could never do it.

But then I remind myself that I haven’t even tried.

I think I need to allow myself to have a little more confidence. I think that as a women I tend to self criticize too much. I know I’ll never be perfect, but that shouldn’t be a reason to not do the things I want to do. Things get better over time. We make mistakes and we learn from them. And I shouldn’t beat myself up for that. And I shouldn’t think that I deserve a lot less then anyone else.

I’ve let the money I make define me. I know it’s not a good thing, but it’s the truth. I’ve defined my self worth based on how much I get. And since I don’t make a whole lot I think that a “logical,” reason that I’m not good enough.

I’ve found that a lot of people want to do things they’re passionate about. But I’ve always wondered what that meant. When people say, “do something your passionate about,” I think of, “do something that your willing to deal with.” To say do something your passionate about is just strange to me. All things require sacrifices, things won’t always give you some sort of I intense happiness. To me it is a lot like saying, “eat ice cream to feel happier.”

To find something you want to do with your life your accepting the cons as well as the pros. It’s the climb that satisfies us, not really whether we think we will like something more. I think a big problem that I’ve had to deal with a lot is that we have too many options. We get overwhelmed and wonder if what we’re doing right now is what we should be doing. We don’t realize how beneficial it is to just do something and stick to it. We can’t have everything, we don’t know everything, so why try to do everything?

I understand wanting to have experiences. But trying to do too much at once probably won’t get us anywhere. Our brain will be too scrambled to really get much out of it.

I want to do something that helps the world in a big way. I know that will be hard, but I want keep pushing myself to be better so I can do it. Things will never be perfect, but I can still hope that I am able to do something that gets the world to change for the better. To many people thinks it okay to eat animals, that it last okay to waste so much, and that it’s okay to endorse things without evidence. We finally live in a world where we don’t have to stay silent about these things anymore. And I plan to utilize it. I’m done being quite about things that are in desperate need of attention.

I’m learning to learn new things. To try and push through them even when I don’t do them well on the first few tries. I’m learning to allowing myself to start over when I find something better instead of giving up. Having to get rid of some things doesn’t mean I have to get rid of the whole project.

I’m trying to undo this bad habit. To remind myself that I am worth more than that and I can do better if I want to. I’ve discovered that passive income would probably be a lot better for me than working by the hour. I overwork myself just to get a little that sometimes I forget that my income and self worth could be unlimited if I just tried a different strategy.

I just need to set my mind to one thing and try not to let myself get too overwhelmed. Sometimes I think of too many things I have to do at once and then I don’t do anything because thinking about all of it makes me think that I’ll never get it done. 

But I can get things done. If I just breathe and take things a little bit at a time. 

I feel like the society I live in is super fast paced. Keep up with chores, work and go to school at the same time if your young. Work and take care of kids when your older. Sometimes it just feels like utter insanity. Maybe I want to just watch Netflix and take a nap. Maybe I just want to spend time with my family or curl up under a fluffy blanket and read a book. We shouldn’t tell ourselves we always need to be doing something. Our minds need a break and honestly getting all worked up about work all the time isn’t good. Trust me, I know this because I’ve gone to school while at the same time work six days a week and then came home only to try to write a page a day. I was trying to write a book which sucked ass since I didn’t know what the hell I was doing and I had too many tension headaches to care. 

I need to learn to relax. Really truly relax, not the draw for my blog while watching something kind of relax. More of just listening to the world around me and letting go. 

I know I have a lot to work on(my blog looks like a tornado right now, but it will get better with time). But that doesn’t mean I have to rush things. I’ve learned that rushing things can sometime just make them worse.